i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
