No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
