We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
