Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
