i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
