New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
