did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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