when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
