trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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