Pappa wants mamma naked
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
