Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
