Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
