And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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