is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
