I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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