DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
