OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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