she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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