Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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