Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
