I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
