I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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