Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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