Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
