I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
