I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
