And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
