my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
