If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
