Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
