We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
