i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
