here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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