i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
