Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
