Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
