he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this hospital has no fireball
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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