I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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