Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
