I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
