you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
