Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
