So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
