wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
