Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
