This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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