OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
