Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
