Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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