If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
