apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
